Lets face it: I’m in way over my head. All I was just trying to do was be funny. I will give Sista King this one. Since she feels so strongly about her stance on Fashion, I humbly reply with a “you win.” I hereby withdraw all fashion comments from this day forward on the Bigspot. But I will pose this question to S.K. Have you ever heard of the expression “that was a rhetorical question?” ka-boom! Lagerfeld, Out!
As Fashion Week comes to a close we can only look forward to the brilliant useless designs that will grace our culture. It seems as though throughout time, fashion has been not only a necessity but a trend. From the stone age to the computer age, both men and women have used fashion to not only evolve, but to change the world.
I would like to take this opportunity to demonstrate how fashion has helped and harmed the human race throughout time. Granted, I thought of this on the train this morning, and I have done no actual research. Nevertheless, I would like to give my take on the benefits of fashion throughout the ages.
Be advised, I’m sure a lot of this is extremely inaccurate.
1046 BC: The Cavemen use the skin of a Wooly Mammoth to survive the ice age. Ginormous mammals might help to clothe, feed and shelter your family, but the smell is something less than desirable. Maybe similar to some celebrity cologne or perfume.
1BC: Right before Jesus was put on this earth, the sandal was born. They helped keep sharp objects from the bottoms of our feet, but when it came to the the cold weather…well, lets just say we couldn’t wait for the invention of the sock. Ironically, this look is shunned these days.
Medieval Fashion: I believe that Tights make their first appearance here. This I can only speculate from 15 or so Robin Hood Movies. This fashion was helpful for tracking down Hobbits and slaying dragons, but not so cool with the maidens.
Lets skip ahead shall we?
1950’s: The fifties taught us that we should roll up anything. Our dungarees were rolled 5-10 inches from our shoes. While fewer tripping injuries occurred, more and more Thunderbirds were getting their cigarette ashes caught in their cuff and singeing their leg hairs. It was in this decade, we also witnessed the future of Hip Hop Clothing, as poodles were embroidered on skirts.
1960’s: 1950’s fashion hangs on until mid way through the sixties when a discovery is made: the mini skirt. Need I say more.
1970’s: Variations of 1960’s styles have appeared. Bell bottom trousers becomes more and more popular and even wider. This modification to the notorious pantaloons, created the need for “higher” shoes. Hence, the platform. Ankle injuries are at an all time high from these bad boys, however, cranial injuries fall due to the popularity of the Afro.
1980’s: The 80’s showed plenty of health benefits due to fashion trends. The number of rotator cuff surgeries went down, owing in part to the preppy-sweater-tied-over-the-shoulder look. Shin splint cases were at an all time low because of leg warmers. Soon the 80’s would suffer its worst setback, due to the invention of the Rat Tail. Neck and spinal injuries were at an all time high.
1990’s: This decade, most mens’ and womens’ clothes were interchangeable. Despite the look of tattered and ill-fitting clothes, a minor baby boom happens throughout the States thanks to the popularity of the loose fitting MC Hammer Pants. Gluteus maximus pulls increase as “THE SAG” makes its first appearance. Paul Bunyan made a comeback with the highly trendy flannel button-downs. The fashionistas Kris Kross, known for wearing their clothes backwards, taught us that inside-out is wiggity, wiggity, wiggity, wiggity, wack.
That brings us to today. As I look around the office I think to myself: this post is completely useless. WHO CARES! The fact is, because of fashion, I spend way too much time in front of a mirror. Not just looking to see how strikingly handsome I am — which is a given — but rather to see if I look like a moron. Yes, fashion makes me try my hardest to avoid looking like a moron. And for that brave cavemen and women, I thank you. Excuse me as I try to fit into my skinny jeans. This might take a while. Oh, and Sister King might disagree.
Welcome to a new section called “Never had a chance”. A lot of times, we design layouts, web sites and identities that never go anywhere. Now, we aren’t saying that the clients are wrong for their selections that they have chosen. But I would just like to give some honorable mentions to pieces that, quite frankly, Never Had a Chance. Whether it was too far out there or didn’t meet the clients needs. They still deserve, for the most part, to be displayed proudly. Please submit your entries too.
I would like to start with a layout that was done for the 2008 Yankees Team Theme. I really liked the emotion of this piece. Its almost as if the sun was setting on Yankee Stadium. Very understated, but to me, very powerful. Design & Photography: Mike Macchione Logo: Major League Baseball
So often you take for granted the beauty of the Underdog. Now, I’m not going to sit here and pretend I watch football religiously. I’m not going to convince you I’m a huge Giants fan and Eli Manning is my Top Dizzle for Shizzle. Because I don’t and he’s not. I never really followed football. I tried. I even played 2 years in High School. I couldn’t stand it! No offense Mr. Kelly, I enjoyed playing for you. It just wasn’t my sport. I had actually gotten fatter playing it and wondered if I would end up looking like my coaches. WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT ALL ABOUT! “Put on more weight! Put on more weight!” Was this supposed to make me even better? I was only 5′9″ and ran a 30 second 40-yard dash. How was this supposed to work? Great, now I can’t fit in my yearbook picture. This is a major breakthrough for me right now. I can cancel my appointment with Dr. Michael Seaver and Dr. Leo Marvin. (Yeaahhhh, take you way back)
Needless to say, football to me, was just some filler between the World Series and Spring Training (FYI, 11 days until pitchers and catchers).
I’ve never pretended to follow any team or player. I don’t have to be at the NFL Draft in The Garden like a big goofy Star Wars fan (Nucci’s I’m talkin to you two). I don’t have a fantasy football team or buy Madden 2014 the day it comes out. But as someone who enjoys entertainment and sports, I enjoy the concept of the whole Super Bowl experience. And as a graphic designer, I like to watch all of the commercials. Yeah, everyone says it every year, but I don’t care. Eating and watching an exciting (sometimes) game then analyzing all of the creative that fills in the air-time between Tom Petty and Howie Long, now that’s something I can buy into.
But maybe this year I was intrigued about this game because of the New York-New England rivalry. My guess is that it’s sparked by Yankees-Red Sox conflict. Or maybe it was the guy who trademarked “19-0″. I don’t know, but it was as if I was a Giants fan for 25 years watching the game last night! Leaping out of my seat as they scored what was then the deciding touchdown. See, I don’t even know who caught it! But, I was proud of myself that I knew that 3 minutes would be enough time to march down the field and take the lead. My wife was much less optimistic. It took me a few hours to even get to sleep afterwards because I had so much adrenaline running through my veins. I had to watch HOUSE save some arctic maiden with a drill press for a little bit (PUN INTENDED).
So, my congratulations go out to the Giants and all the Giants fans, the true Underdogs. For at least a night, I was a football fan as well. HA, HA, HA, Trademark Dude, suck on that! The gods have spoken!
Probably my favorite commercial of the evening… He is a brilliant blinding light.
I’ve seen it all before. Here we are 3 days from the Super Bowl and crazy people are doing crazy things. David Johnson*, an attorney, is apparently in the process of trademarking “19-0″ for the Patriots perfect undefeated season. Look, I don’t blame him for anticipating, lord knows lawyers don’t make enough money. He is probably just trying to feed his family. But be forewarned, the gods of pro sports are always watching.
It was October 16, 2003. My father, a few of his co-workers, myself, and “The Nooch” were sitting in the very last row of the upper deck in Yankee Stadium. Down 4-0 in the 5th inning, we tried everything in our power to get the Yankees, going (it works, I swear). Switching seats, standing on the seats, rally caps, singing gospel hymns. We even resorted to turning our clothes inside-out. It got us the 2 Giambi home runs, but that was about it.
That was, until the middle of the 7th. Hanging our heads we noticed the ridiculous amount of Red Sox fans in our section. We couldn’t believe it! Who let them all in here? We caught a glimpse of a Sox fan and his girlfriend walking up the steep upper deck stairs. From what seemed to be the clubhouse store, he was holding a shopping bag and wearing his tired, old, faded blue Red Sox hat. You know, the one with the two socks crossed on the back, because apparently, they don’t sell New Era official Red Sox hats. Not to mention his girlfriend with her matching pink hat, where the front of it is shredded.
Seeing the smug look on his face, I thought I was going to be sick. How could this be happening? And then the clouds parted and the angels began to sing. Well, I think that happened, it was night, I couldn’t tell. Anyway. They start giggling because this was the “most wicked night ever!” and they’re in love, or some crap like that. Then, he reaches into his bag, fumbles around, and as if discovering plutonium, he grins. He then proceeds to unveil in front of all the Sox fans, a t-shirt. A t-shirt with a huge photo of Babe Ruth on it, apparently, about to mock the “King of Swing.” He sits there dangling it in front of all of the Yankee fans and his Beantown cohorts, in the “House That Ruth Built.” “The Nooch” looks over at him in disgust, the only way a Nucci can, and says. “Hey Buddy! That wasn’t a good idea. You shouldn’t have done that.” Waving his finger at him like Babu from Seinfeld.
The gods were upset.
I won’t get into the details about the rest because, well, you know it. And quite frankly, I don’t want to get into that debate. Blah, Blah, Blah we haven’t won a World Series since 2000, the Sox have 2, Blah, Blah, Blah. We have 26 championships, Blah, Blah, Blah. Oh, and later that night, we bumped into Michael Douglas trying to get into a closed bar on the Upper West Side. Sweeet.
As the Patriots go for their perfect 19-0 record, might it be ironic that as you look at the photo above, that Mr. Boone is wearing 19. We can only wait to find out if he is taunting or predicting. The gods of sports are funny that way. I’m sure they got sick of all the 1918 t-shirts as well.
On a side note: In 1989, Pat Riley trademarked the phrase “three-peat” in hopes of cashing in on bringing his team to a third consecutive championship. They blew it. Eventually Pat cashed in on the Bulls “three-peat”. The rich keep getting richer.
*I actually, don’t know if he registered the trademark himself or for someone else. The details are still rough, since he won’t talk to anyone yet.
I took this shot was taken from below the Brooklyn Bridge.
Took this photo on a recent trip to Spain to see my buddy. It was absolutely breathtaking little fisherman’s village.
Ok, so I wanted to comment on this movie for a while now. Here is my synopsis, without seeing the movie, and without reading the plot. I know some other sites do this, but here is my version of “Over Her Dead Body” based on the trailer that was on last night while watching American Idol. Yeah, I watch American Idol, so what?! I’m such a Paula.
Back to the task at hand. Bridezilla, Eva Longdash-parker is planning her wedding to fiance Paul Rudd (whom we will discuss later on) and she is relentlessly crazy about the details and arrangements. Yeah, I’ve been there, talk to me about shooting 20 kinds of apples, one day. They flash back to see how much they love each other and how cute he proposed blah, blah, blah… and soon you think you’re at home watching Desperate Housewives. But the good news is, you paid for it!
She gets killed, I assume by a falling ice sculpture of Tony Parker. She dies, Paul cries, violins playing. Maybe there is a little Coldplay thrown in there. Maybe I would guess that there is a beachwalking scene to show how sad and lonely he is. And thats when it really gets hilarious. But not Anchorman hilarious, more like Wild Hogs hilarious. That kind of hilarious that you can’t imagine how embarrassed the camera man was filming it (FYI, I like all the actors in Wild Hogs, but come’on guys!).
Anyways, Paul meets this new chick and Eva shows up everywhere because: “that’s her man!” Oh, did I mention she was a ghost? Yeah a ghost. But still hot and dress very well, no dirt, grass or ice sculpture imprint on her forehead. There she is in the kitchen. At the park. No intimate situations for you two new lovers. Oh, will she not let him live his life, he just wants to be happy. After about an hour of this mayhem, she finally rests in peace when she realizes how in love he is, gag. Oh, and I’m sure there must be a Wanda Sykes appearance in there. The End. Yeaaaa!… the girls love it! And guys everywhere will never measure up to the ridiculously over-the-top dialog they give Mr. Rudd.
Now Paul, Dude. We are happy you’re doing well. I’m sure you got a nice chunk of change to do this. And granted you probably get to make out with her (she’s hot, that’s a given). But please, think about the art, think about the kids, think about the Bry Man, James Westfall and Doctor Kenneth Noisewater. 60% of the time it works, every time.
Everyone is in the mix. Don’t be afraid to keep the ball rolling. Skipper and the Don is a blog all about baseball. They are coaches from Upstate. New York. Who am I kidding? Its my pops and his buddy and they probably figured that no one was listening to them anymore so they went all high-tech. Check it out. They have some great baseball advise since they have been coaching youth and collegiate baseball for a combined 60 years! Sorry Skip, didn’t mean to make you feel old. Keep it up! coachbaseball.blogspot.com/
So, I logged onto ESPN around 5:00 yesterday and saw the breaking news. “HOLY CRAP! The Mets got Santana!” As a diehard Yankee fan, I was always torn about this trade situation. I guess in my mind, as long as he didn’t go to Boston, I could live with it. The baby Yanks are so promising its hard to debate the right and wrong move. Anyway. I see this posted on ESPN.com and I immediately Instant Message my wife, a Flushing born Mets fan. “You guys got Santana!” I also included the link to the article. As it popped up on her screen she read it out-loud to her co-worker. Based on the story I got from her last night, here is the dialog. Wifey: We got Santana? Co: Who is Santana? Wifey: Oh, baseball player, Carlos Santana. Co: Oooohhhh… click the link. Wifey: Oh, wait its Johan Santana.
Needless to say, I wish I was there for that. But then I got to thinking. What would a baseball team made up of Latin Musicians be like? Well, here we go:
1. Enrique Iglesias: (Short Stop) Lets not split hairs here, I know he is from Spain, but we needed a pretty boy playing Short and I’m sure he can steal bases the way he runs from all the ladies, before Anna. So maybe he has lost a step or two.
2. Ricky Martin: (Second base) I don’t know, but something tells me he can bunt. He Bunts! He Bunts! (Lame William Hung)
3. Daddy Yankee: (Centerfield) Well, I’m not a fan of the Raggaetón but with freaking music like that I’m sure he can drive in some runs. The best part is, if we put him in centerfield, we don’t really have to listen to him.
4. Fat Joe: (First Base) I think this one is quite obvious, POWER and lack of range.
5. J-Lo: (Third Base) Great arm powered by a strong lower-half and her dancing gives her quick feet and reactions, also has the ability to drive the ball into the gap. Not to mention, we need a DIVA at third.
6. Julio Iglesias: (Catcher) Lets face it, we need some experience. A team leader. Every team needs a ladies man behind the plate.
7. Shakira: (Left Field) Well, I’m not sure how useful she is, but it doesn’t hurt to just have her on the field… am I right gentlemen? Giggity.
8. Gloria Estefan: (Right Field) Not a strong hitter, but I’m sure if she can get anyone with the Rhythm, then she could seriously hose anyone from right field. Plus she is a tough little cookie.
9. Carlos Santana: (Pitching) Well, just like his music, nobody starts until he does! He has a good forkball and a “SMOOTH” changeup.
So there it is, your musical baseball All-Stars. The Mets get Santana. Adios.
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